I'm sure you know the old adage "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Well, giving up my long love affair with sugar and carbs means ain't nobody happy around here at the moment. Let me pass on this bit of sage advice. When in the throes of withdrawal, do NOT clean out the dining room and then ask your husband to throw out his old textbooks from dental school. (Don't ask me why they were stacked in our dining room. Just don't.) Because it will result in a meltdown of epic (one-sided) proportions with momma insisting, "You haven't cracked open even ONE of these books in years. Throw them in the recycling box!" And him, equally stubborn, countering with oh, they're stayin' baby, totally missing the irony that he's sneezing from the dust because THEY HAVEN'T BEEN OPENED IN TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. His argument? "You never know."
Holy Moses in his underpants! Yes I do. I know they're going to sit here for another twenty-five years and we're going to be having this same argument (sorry, DISCUSSION) again, only next time, he's going sneak them into The Home where I know I'll end up pushing them out of the way with my walker until the fateful day when I trip over them and BREAK MY HIP.
Well, I am nothing if not calm and rational, so we reached a compromise - the books can go but he wants me to haul them down to our local thrift shop and donate them. Now, call me crazy, but I'm fairly confident the casual browser who is looking for a book on crockpot recipes or muffins for every occasion will not want to bring home ORBAN'S ORAL HISTOLOGY AND EMBRYOLOGY or THE STOMATIOGNATHIC SYSTEM - FUNCTION, DYSFUNCTION & REHABILITATION. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe someone would interested in a medical textbook with graphic black and white photos of the gnarliest teeth and gums imaginable, or as I like to refer to it, The Worst Case Scenario guidebook for what happens when you don't floss.
We'll see. In the meantime, I can now walk around the dining table without tripping. Of course, now I have to tackle the TBR stack beside my bed.
11 comments:
Hi Pam
I'm with you - cutting out sugar is hard. And wheat too. Have you looked at the Paleo diet by Loren Cordain? He proposes eating more lean protein, fruit and veges, and cutting back on carbs. I've tried it, and I can tell you that the first couple of weeks are horrible. But after that I have more energy. I'll admit I struggle to stick to it (I have a love affair with almond croissants), but it works.
Jenny W.
Poor Darling... I need to cut our caffeine and carbs. *sigh* but no-one needs THAT kinda grumpy around them!!
If you think your book stacks are bad, do you remember our mouse-infested boot rack?? There, feel better??
:-)
BB
PS My word ver is PITIVEL - I'm gonna deck Blogger shortly. I may need another coffee, pronto!!!
Hi Pam - while you're on a "cutting out" binge, why not cut out some of those gnarly teeth pics and collage 'em up into a worst case scenario montage about what happens when you don't floss regularly? It would make a great gag gift at Christmas and you can tell the dentist how you knew he'd love a souvenir of his old texts to hang in his office. Just a thought. Good luck with the carb thing. It bites. Allison S.
Pam-You don't need to take writing classes--you should give them! If I had had, for example, a candy bar, a big, nutty, chocolate candy bar in my mouth when I read this post, I would have spit it all over my laptop. You just crack me up! And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Have you thought of putting out an anthology of your posts?
Jo
Hello darling;
You have such a delightful way with words, Pam! I'm telling everyone about my friend the Novel Woman.
I've got a photo of My Latest Distraction on my Wordpress site, if you want to see her. She's a doll. When she's not pooping in the house.
Hugs, Roxanne
Jenny, I have not seen this diet, or as I say, the other four letter word. Not that Lifestyle Change is any better, but there it is. I mean, it's not rocket science, right? Eat right, exercise, don't smoke, drink in moderation if at all, one piece of dark chocolate for breakfast. Ta da. Easy peasy.
Bush Babe I MISSED the mouse post, probably at the cottage. You know that is one of my greatest fears. Not of mice, per se, but slamming my bare foot into a shoe with a mouse in the toe. AIEEE!! You've given me nightmares for life just like the shower scene in Psycho, which a babysitter let me watch when I was a kid, changed forever how I take a shower.
Word ver: phichas, which sounds like a Monty Python sketch. Biggus Phichas.
Hey, did you know we have a wallaby on the loose around these parts? Some guy lost his pet. My luck, it's in my back yard....
Thanks, Jo. Actually, Jack Whyte read some of my essays at the conference and suggested the same thing, which was pretty cool. Maybe next year I'll have enough to pitch. Stay tuned.
And no more talk of ch-----e b--rs!
Allison, good call, but I might make a collage for my fridge as an appetite suppressant.
Hi Roxanne,
Our time together in Surrey was all too brief! Nice to "see" you again.
Now, I'm off to visit your blog to see your new baby. Mine is snoring at my feet and the whole desk is vibrating. This goes on every night, and it's like having an old man in the corner of our bedroom every night. Oh yeah, that's romantic....
Wallabies as pets?? Are you serious? I doubt that's allowed here!!! Gads...
:-)
BB
PS Word Ver is TROUT... now I'm hungry!
My husband has a box in the attic labeled "Things I wouldn't let Jenny throw away". He hasn't opened it in 20 years. It may seem the "attic" is out of the way, but what we call the "attic" is really just a huge closet in the eaves of the third floor - the contents of which are spilling out into my office.
Oh - and you can try my diet. Office on the third floor. Kitchen on the first. I've got to think real hard if I want a snack or not!
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