There is a plethora of tasteful gifts on the market this Christmas.
There is the "Santa's Farting Butt Travel Pillow" because it's not enough to keep a treasure like this at home, you'll want to take it on the road with you and "crack up" your fellow travelers. Guaranteed to become a family heirloom.
Ditto this nose gel dispenser which just screams upscale spa.
How about a Christmas ornament that looks like a cat poo? (I wish I was making this up.)
And still, as tasteless as these are, none of them compare to the new John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John Christmas
Just when I think holiday music can't get any worse, we
get these two crooning to each other. You know how when you have a sore tooth, and you keep
poking it with your tongue even though it hurts? Try listening to a sample or two.
If anyone buys me this CD as a Christmas gift, I promise you I will glue my ears shut then hurl myself off a bridge. I would rather lather up with nose gel and deck the halls with cat turds.
(I would, however, wear a raw turkey hat as an homage to the inimitable Mr. Bean...although I guess technically, if I wore it I would be imitating him...)