Tales From The Dental Chair or Just Another Poo Story

Yes, I know. Some of you have commented there seems to be a plethora* of poo stories on this blog. But what about a poo story that involves dentistry? How many of those have you seen?

*Note: The word plethora comes from the Greek word for "fullness" or "excess of body fluid" which works nicely with this story.

A woman called to say her three-unit bridge suddenly fell off and she asked what she should do next. This was a bridge which had been cemented temporarily, with instructions to come back within a couple of weeks and have it cemented permanently. As sometimes (often) happens, this woman put off her appointment and waited longer than she should have.

Okay, we said. It happens. Just bring it in and we'll put it back.

Not so fast. There was a slight problem with that plan. She had it, it just wasn't immediately accessible.

Seems she was having dinner in a restaurant with her boyfriend, and it was at some point during the meal that the unit came loose. She then swallowed the entire thing without realizing it. It wasn't until her boyfriend noticed the gap in her teeth and she checked herself out that she'd even realized what she had done.

We are talking about a three-unit bridge, people. Three teeth. Cemented together. And she hadn't realized she'd swallowed it? Now, I go crazy when a sesame seed is stuck in my teeth. Even assuming the woman doesn't chew her food, how can one not feel a THREE-UNIT BRIDGE going down one's throat? Or the big hole that's left behind?

We explained there are two options when this happens. One, you can pay for a new bridge. Two, you can wait until the item passes. She chose Number Two, no pun intended.

Several days later, she came in with a Ziploc bag, and settled herself in the dental chair. She then took out the now well-travelled unit and said in a heavy accent, "I clean this best I could but still, it smell like shit." And before he could move out of the way, she shoved the thing under my husband's nose as proof.

He concurred. "Why yes indeed, by Jiminy, it does smell like shit!" He handed it to his assistant, who promptly cleaned it, disinfected it, ran it through the various units to sterilize it, then dipped it into one last solution to remove any residual odours and promptly asked for a raise. The woman then grabbed the bridge, and smelled it with such vigour, the assistant snatched it back and admonished her. "You know, if you sniff any harder, it might end up in your nostril this time."

Satisfied, she had it permanently cemented into her mouth and off she went, another happy customer with a killer smile.