You may yearn for the old days but...

This is less of a stroll down memory lane and more like removing your iPod earbuds where you've been blissed out while shoulder dancing to The Black Eyed Peas' I'VE GOT A FEELING only to realize your Sunday constitutional on Main Street has taken a twisted turn down a dark alley, one strewn with the dregs of a seedy nightclub and heady with the scent of stale beer and leftover souvlaki from the night before.

I was talking to a friend about the irresistible series MAD MEN which simultaneously attracts and repels me. I lived through that era, in fact, I was around the same age as Don Draper's daughter Sally in the show and later on, in my twenties, I worked for a Toronto ad agency. So while I relate to it on many levels, I find it oddly disturbing. These ads help explain why.

Oh no he dih-int.
This one makes me think of TODDLERS IN TIARAS. If you have never seen this show on TLC, you must watch at least one episode. It's like watching a car wreck. You want to look away, and yet... If you're a writer, there is enough material in one episode to fuel an entire novel.

'Cause nothing says Christmas like Santa with a fag in his hand.

Maybe that's my problem. My mother denied me cola and made me drink milk as a baby.

Why, next she might try to drive a car!

See cola above. Oy.
I don't know about you, but I find this one scores pretty high on the naughty scale. And she doesn't look too disturbed by it. I think she is serving stale coffee on purpose, the sly wench.

Well, this explains why I could use a makeover.

It is advising me to cry to get what I want. And that what I really want is a new appliance. Which, if I got one, would actually make me cry for real. Which might bring me.... yet more appliances.

It's an Appliance Catch 22.

I remember the days when our "office computer" was housed in the highrise next door, and it took up an entire floor. I also remember the attitudes expressed in the ad below.

Oh, so THAT'S why I exist.

This has to be my favourite. Seriously. How can you not be happy when you're eating lard? And it must be true. It's issued by the Lard Information Council and they don't lie.

If you make the leap and read this in full, I guarantee you will shudder. And shake. And hold your head and think oh, that is so wrong. What the heck kind of message was this to be sending to half our population?

Yes, you too can be thin and eat lard! And in case you're feeling squeamish about it, well buck up, because they come sanitized people!

Uh, no. Now a cat, on the other hand, just might.

I'm telling you, be careful when you reminisce about the old days.

Have a great weekend!!