I have an article due and I'm stuck in an ice-filled rut. This piece is supposed to have a Spring theme, but it's minus 13C today and I'm having a hard time feeling the green when I'm shoveling three feet of car boogers deposited at the end of my driveway. So I do what I usually do when I'm facing a deadline and I have cognitive impaction.
I bake. And don't listen to those health gurus who tell you carbs are bad. Most of them live in California where it's sunny all time. If you live in a northern climate, carbs are your friend this time of year.
Here is a recipe for a bread to beat all breads. The original came from my sister-in-law, but I embellished it for its own good. It's so scrumpdelumptious, you will want to rip off warm pieces with your bare hands, then slather it with butter, letting it run down your arms and off your elbows until you fall carbatose on to your kitchen floor. It's the Carbobomb. And your friends will be so impressed by your culinary prowess, you will be idolized in perpetuity.
But here's the thing. And we have to keep this between you and me.
It's ridiculously easy to make.
If you can braid hair, you can make this bread. Just don't tell your friends, because then they won't be impressed anymore, and you'll have to do something else, like the splits, and we all know how that can end.
It helps to have a bread machine, because then you just throw all the ingredients in the machine and press DOH! But if you don't, you can mix it by hand as you would a traditional bread recipe (but then it isn't easy any more, which is the whole point.)
I have two bread machines. For one of them, you put the liquid ingredients in first, and for the other, the reverse. Just adjust the recipe to suit your machine.
Best Egg Bread on the Planet
1 cup lukewarm water or milk
2 large eggs
3 tbsp. sugar
3 tbsp. softened butter
1 1/4 tsp. salt
3 2/3 cups flour
1 rounded tsp yeast (I use bread machine yeast)
sesame seeds (optional)
Throw it all in the machine in the order given, as per your machine (EXCEPT FOR THE SESAME SEEDS!) and use the Dough Cycle. Go read magazines while the machine toils. At the end of the dough cycle, plop the dough on to a lightly floured surface. Form into a rough brick shape, and cut into three pieces. Squish and pull each piece into a long log, approximately 14-18 inches long. (If you want two, smaller loaves, you can cut the "brick" in two, and divide each of those into three pieces, and make logs about 12 inches long, give or take.) Braid the dough like you would your daughter's hair, minus the fidgeting.
Lift the braided loaf and heave it onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment (if you're doing two, leave room for the loaves to rise.) Wet your hands and pat along the top of the bread, and sprinkle with sesame seeds, if you wish. Then lightly spray the loaf with PAM, and loosely place plastic wrap on top. Put the pan in a COLD oven (I use the light to warm it) for 30 minutes or so to rise. Remove the pan from the oven, REMOVE THE PLASTIC WRAP (I know this sounds obvious, but there was an incident with my husband that ended with the words "you didn't TELL me to take off the plastic wrap") and preheat oven to 350F. Bake for 30 minutes. Accept new status as The Goddess of Bread.
I'd post a photo, but my camera is broken.
Didn't I just mention that in a previous post? Why yes, I did mention that my camera is broken. And that my birthday is coming up soon.
Tea Bag I can't post one of this amazing bread. If I DO get a camera, I'll insert a photo. I think blogs are SO much more interesting with photos, don't you?
I'm just saying.