Friday, April 11, 2008

Tales From The Dental Chair or Just Another Poo Story

Yes, I know. Some of you have commented there seems to be a plethora* of poo stories on this blog. But what about a poo story that involves dentistry? How many of those have you seen?

*Note: The word plethora comes from the Greek word for "fullness" or "excess of body fluid" which works nicely with this story.

A woman called to say her three-unit bridge suddenly fell off and she asked what she should do next. This was a bridge which had been cemented temporarily, with instructions to come back within a couple of weeks and have it cemented permanently. As sometimes (often) happens, this woman put off her appointment and waited longer than she should have.

Okay, we said. It happens. Just bring it in and we'll put it back.

Not so fast. There was a slight problem with that plan. She had it, it just wasn't immediately accessible.

Seems she was having dinner in a restaurant with her boyfriend, and it was at some point during the meal that the unit came loose. She then swallowed the entire thing without realizing it. It wasn't until her boyfriend noticed the gap in her teeth and she checked herself out that she'd even realized what she had done.

We are talking about a three-unit bridge, people. Three teeth. Cemented together. And she hadn't realized she'd swallowed it? Now, I go crazy when a sesame seed is stuck in my teeth. Even assuming the woman doesn't chew her food, how can one not feel a THREE-UNIT BRIDGE going down one's throat? Or the big hole that's left behind?

We explained there are two options when this happens. One, you can pay for a new bridge. Two, you can wait until the item passes. She chose Number Two, no pun intended.

Several days later, she came in with a Ziploc bag, and settled herself in the dental chair. She then took out the now well-travelled unit and said in a heavy accent, "I clean this best I could but still, it smell like shit." And before he could move out of the way, she shoved the thing under my husband's nose as proof.

He concurred. "Why yes indeed, by Jiminy, it does smell like shit!" He handed it to his assistant, who promptly cleaned it, disinfected it, ran it through the various units to sterilize it, then dipped it into one last solution to remove any residual odours and promptly asked for a raise. The woman then grabbed the bridge, and smelled it with such vigour, the assistant snatched it back and admonished her. "You know, if you sniff any harder, it might end up in your nostril this time."

Satisfied, she had it permanently cemented into her mouth and off she went, another happy customer with a killer smile.


Doug Hamilton said...

What can I say, just another day in the life.


Susan Adrian said...


My favorite part is the "By Jiminy." Tell me Doug really said "By Jiminy."

A Novel Woman said...


This is a man who says "Holy Jezebel!" on a regular basis, with no hint of irony.

What do you think?

Laura Bradbury said...

Dear Pam,

This post definitely got me thinking...I wonder how many false teeth are found during routine colonoscopies?

Food for thought, as it were.


Anonymous said...

This puts new meaning to the phrase "shit-eating grin". That story made me gag, by the way. You win...

dykewife said...


Anonymous said...

I just wouldn't be able to put that thing back in my mouth. I just wouldn't.

Victoria said...

Wow. I had to de-lurk for this one. I almost swallowed a temporary crown once and it gave me such an anxiety attack.

Anonymous said...

GADS, that's disgusting, but what else could she do? Those things must be expensive. My husband accidentally swallowed a gold crown. So, of course, I asked him to please make himself puke (it cost $800, for crying out loud. He did try, but was unsuccessful. We did not look for it after that, if you get my drift :) Funny post.

A Novel Woman said...

Ah gentle readers, so happy to stir up a little you-know-what.

I, too, would not be able to put something like that back in my mouth. You'd be surprised by how many patients DO, and not just because they want to save money. It simply doesn't bother them at all. People always have the CHOICE, to use it again or make a new one. But if you walk around with temporary cement and you delay your appointment, and it falls out,'re going to find yourself in deep doo-doo, so to speak.

Up the proverbial creek without a paddle....

You get the drift.

Anyhow, it was my husband's cheerful nonchalance, his "You'll never guess what happened at the office today, dear!" that cracked me up. Nothing seems to faze him.

Lynne Sears Williams said...

Wow! And there is Dr. Hamilton, again, when he's supposed to be at Nasa. I hate squirrels and always will. A flippin' rodent chewed through our outside cable line and we had no phone. Someday, visit my blog, okay? It's actually staring to work.
I am not on your list of blog friends. I'm crushed. I thought with our mutual hatred of squirrels, I'd be a shoe in!

A Novel Woman said...

Lynne, A mere oversight, now corrected. If it makes you feel any better, we are now minus a large piece of brand-new siding and I heard the buggers wrestling in the kitchen ceiling yesterday.

You have my sympathies.

Rose said...

Oh, Pam! {wiping tears}

I think I peed my pants.


klasieprof said...

DANG!! THIS story cracked me up.

I have had as everyone does a couple weird dentist stories.

My one Dentist was no lie, "DR. BOND" that fixed my teeth when they split-with bondo.
HE had a crown with a heart on it. As a person who could NEVER get a tattoo...I thought wow..I could get a Tattoo in a crown and no one would know....SO..I got a heart in my gold crown. It came with a red insert which I really didn't order..but hey who cares. SOME point, undetermined..the RED part became detached, and now I just have a heart stamp on my crown. IF you know what I mean.
I don't know when...don't care...and I just passed. Hopefully. OR? They'll find in when they do a colonoscopy?

maura said...

The same thing happened to me today and although I felt it going down it was too late at that point to retrieve it. My bridge was also a 3 tooth bridge, which was supposedly permanent but it had come loose a few weeks back and was re-cemented at that time. I had my dental work done in New York, where we live but at the moment we are currently staying in Dublin, Ireland in our vacation home. I have no idea what to do now and am more than a little concerned as firstly the gap looks awful when I smile and secondly I am not thrilled at the prospect of having a foreign body lodged God knows where. I hope that this too shall pass!!! I was just eating normally when this occurred and I always chew my food carefully but accidents do happen and I suppose the bridge was questionable to the extent that I already had problems with it before. I am going to a major wedding in Greece in 10 days so if I have no results within the next 48 hours I will have to find a dentist to make me a temporary and have everything redone when we return to NY in September. I am hoping for a happy ending.!!!

A Novel Woman said...

Ah, Maura, just as what goes up, must come down....this too shall pass.

You might want to investigate some good dentists in the area just in case you need a good temp made before the wedding since you may not get an appointment right away, and they may have to use a lab which takes a few more days. Most if not all dentists are fairly sympathetic with this sort of situation. I hope it all works out in the end, so to speak.

Best of luck!

Anthony Maples said...

Whoa! That sure is a unique poo story. Usually, in emergency cases like that the individual urgently goes to his dentist. In Hixson and other parts of the country practitioners assist individuals who are having some difficulty with their teeth. Immediate remedy are done by (Hixson) dentists. That way, the patient would not feel any discomfort.

Interesting story. Thanks!